A Therapist And A Gambler
by The Blue Monster Cake
Summary: two girls who are best friends, are also neighbors. they dont live in the richest neighborhood, and they dont have big fancy houses, cars, or nice fancy things. but they, have their friendship. And when one of them orders units as a birthday present for the other, a family with the units is born... but with what units? DISCLAIMER: I DONT OWN HETALIA OR MANUALS/OTHER THINGS I QUOTE!
1. He's here

Neighbors.

Ugh, neighbors.

You normally don't tend to like your neighbors.

But I like mine… probably cause she's my best friend.

Though I'll let you know something now. Or neighborhood sucks balls. You know those neighborhoods in movies where all the houses are the exact same in color, style, interior layout, backyard, front yard, and it seems everyone has the same car, color and all? That's our neighborhood… mostly. Of course I wouldn't be the same as everyone else! I'm a unique individual! So my neighbor, Haille, and I teamed up against the neighborhood of look-a-likes. I have light purple window shutters to the sides of my windows, light purple pots holding bright orange tiger lilies (I had about 10 pots with the flowers), then of course under my 2 front windows I have bright orange roses… did I forget to mention that I spray painted my driveway orange and purple in a checkerboard pattern? Yeah and I have a bright orange door.

Haille, on the other hand, has the same style driveway as mine but in pink and turquoise, turquoise pots and window shutters, pink roses under the two front windows, and pink oriental lilies in her pots… guess what color the door is?

Pink?

Wrong!

Turquoise?

Wrong again!

She has a pink **AND** turquoise checkered door?

YOU ARE CORRECT! WAY TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!

But you know what also helps us to annoy the neighborhood?

We have trees in our front yards (don't look in the backyards… those are forests trapped in a fence). Of course we stuck to our tree signs so… Haille has one LARGE ash tree while I have three decent sized hawthorn trees. But you wanna know the sad thing about life? Our flowers aren't in bloom because it's winter. February 18'Th to be exact. Which means it's almost Haille's birthday and that I need to get her a presents.

But since I guess you might be wondering what we look like I'll explain… if you don't care skip the next two paragraphs.

Paragraph one: all about Haille! Haille is short. Shorty, shrimp, itty bitty, teeny tiny, squished, about 5'1 ¼" tall… I TOLD you she was short! Anyways she might get upset with me if I stay on her LACK OF HIEGHT problems anymore… okay so when we first met I gave her a mushroom statue and said "GROW MARIO! GROW!" and this was in public people… any who Haille has black hair a bit past her shoulders (like 3"?) and blazing red bangs; don't forget her brown eyes… Haille clashes with her house, and her room (she likes pink and hello kitty). But let's just say to compensate for her height she has HUGE (and I mean Ukraine huge) boobs! But she's irrationally short… she's barely taller then sea-land people. Uhm what else about her? Well you see she naturally attracts creepy overly obsessed stalker kind of guys. Uh huh. Trouble is practically written on her forehead… that's kinda why I chose her for a friend (I'll explain next paragraph). Haille has a winning personality! She has a short temper! An attitude that comes with that wonderful temper! A mouth that loves to talk! A strange innocence that you can shatter with as little as three words! But that's not all! She has a love for animals and cuddly things! But wait! There's more! This Haille comes with a love for Pepsi, a lot of smiles, a scary face, and even a love for sharp and/or shiny things! You'll never not say that you do not not love Haille! See what I did there? TEEHEE! Anyways, I guess I should tell you Haille is a therapist for mentally and physically abused children… she makes pretty good money… did I mention she loves a lot of animes? I didn't?! Well shame on me! … She also loves batman… she's a good cook! I love her spaghetti. And I will warn you now! She shows cleavage a lot. Her excuse though, is that in six grade people said she stuffed her bra so she started showing her boobs around by showing cleavage… now all we say is that she has implants, the slut. I'M JUST KIDING! I mean I say those things, but in a joking, I don't mean them, manner. I'll call her a slut and she'll call me either a nun or a hooker…

Paragraph 2: all about Laura (that's me!)… Well you see… or read? Eh whatever I dye my hair blond! And I have blue/green eyes (they switch depending on what I wear!)… I have big boobs. Not as outrageously big as Haille's but they're still big! Oh you wanna hear the best part about me? I'm 5'11" so I'm not itty bitty like teeny tiny Haille! It gets worse when I wear heels (*insert an evil laugh here please*)! But my height compensates for my lack of cooking ability… you think I'm joking but I'm not. Food-wise I can only cook sweets, mac n cheese, and meat. You think that's a lot but it's really limited do to my laziness. Also interesting fact, I'm a procrastinator! And if you don't know what that means then: it means I'm lazy and put stuff off till the last minute! Alright now on to my personality I guess. I'm evil. I love running into trouble just because I can, I love to cause chaos, I love making ruining peoples days, laughing at others misery, causing mischief/pulling pranks to amuse myself, and I like shooting/throwing knives/archery/throwing ax's/ slicing stuff up with my samurai sword. I love to play games with people and win (especially card games). And I always get revenge, even if you're getting revenge on me, I won't be happy unless I have the last laugh. And if you think pulling a prank on me, looking down on me, insulting my weapons, refusing to let me be amused, or messing with my things (that includes people… they're my toys. My amusement) is a good idea, and then you'll regret every second left of your life. Oh and I love Coke-a-Cola! And Iron Man is amazing! My birthday is about the end of May… and my job? Gambler (I'm good at card games; I tend to win, so I tend to win money! Income!) I work as a waitress for the casino I normally gamble at (I get most week days off which is awesome!), and I'm an author in my spare time (which I tend to have a lot of).

Okay there's a bit (more like a lot) about us. Now that all that boring junk is out of the way, lets get started with the real story. Haille's birthday is coming up and I need to get her a present. And I had this ad pop up for Hetalia units… so I ordered the ten unit pack. She'll get one unit a week for ten weeks and the units are random. I also requested that the first be delivered on her birthday… can't believe they agreed. But that's my present to Haille! I think she'll love it. and they decided to let me pick the first unit to be sent. And I'm not so mean as to pick France to be the first unit they send to her… okay so maybe I am… but I don't want to be molested every time I go to her house for breakfast… so I decided. "WHAT THE HELL?! I DON'T EAT BREAKFAST!" thus I ended up choosing France. The rest, however, are at random. But since I'm not all bad (I know surprising) I decided to make her feel a bit better with a nice gift… and while shopping at the mall I walked into Victoria secret, bought her 2 corset tops, 8 lacey panties, 2 garters, and one lace bra… I cost quite a bit but… she's worth it. And what do you know?! I'm not a nice person and am using Haille for amusement. At least I made her a cake? :)

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR HAILLE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

Wahoo nothing like a birthday extravaganza… but the unit wasn't here yet and it was… 5pm. Oh well means she gets present #2 before present #1. I handed her the large box filled with Victoria secret wonders (soon to be Haille's just plain secret) and she began to tear away viciously at the wrapping paper. Once she got the paper off, sliced through the tape with a kitchen knife, opened the lid, and looked inside, she just stared at the contents. Then she looked up at me and glared.

I quickly put my hands up in mock surrender and said, "Hey, it's better than last year's gift, right?"

I watched as chills went down her spine at her more than probable flashback, and she nodded her head in agreement. The only thing I'll say is a gift involving male strippers, 10 bottles of vodka, a paint brush, a Hershey's chocolate bar, a toy car, and a koala wasn't a good idea okay? (You wanna know? then figure it out for yourself cause I'm not reliving that disaster!)

But anyways Haille accepted the gift without any more delays or arguments and tossed the box to the side while we ate some German chocolate cake! After Haille and I managed to finish an entire cake the doorbell rang. I could feel my signature smirk appear as I sang to Haille, "happy birthday part 2."

She gave me a glare, knowing something bad always comes with that smirk and opened the door to find a delivery guy and a giant wooden box.

"Haille Marius? Please sign here," the cute (and I mean smoking hot!) delivery guy said as he handed over a clipboard and a pen. Haille quickly signed for the box and handed back the clipboard. Cutie pie hot stuff handed Haille a vanilla envelope, used his trolley to move the box into Haille's living room, and then walked out of the house with his things.

I quickly shouted after him, "YOUR HOT, DUDE! KEEP UP YOUR GORGEOUSNESS!" and I noticed Haille was nodding in agreement at the all too true statement.

Haille then gave me an accusing look and asked (with attitude… must be close to losing her temper), "what the hell did you get me that could be in this box?"

I scrunched up my nose at her and asked, "Does it matter? How could you be upset when you just got to see that piece of hotness walk into your house and give you a present?... check the envelope he gave you?"

Haille looked at her envelope and began to read what looked like a manual… surprising? I think not! But while she was freaking out at there being a France in her house I got on her x box, went to YouTube, and brought up "La Marseillaise" loudly. Haille didn't mind me for a few moments till she heard humming from the box, and noticed on the manual that, that is a way to wake him up. I pulled a crowbar out of nowhere (Haille's closet) and opened the lid to the box and let France be unleashed upon Haille's home. And let me tell you one very important thing. The moment France jump hugged Haille I bolted out the front door leaving behind a, "byehailleihopeyouenjoyyourunitanddontdiefromtoomu chsex."

With that Haille's house was invaded by a French man, and it was her birthday. Wow busy day…

HOLD UP A MOMENT HERE!

I almost forgot something super important!

I ran back into Haille's house, grabbed a spray bottle filled with water, and started squirting France with it shouting, "No! Bad! Stop! Get down! Bad! You don't do that! Get back! Keep your clothes on! Bad!"

Haille looked at me like I was a savior and a devil at the same time as France retreated and sat on the couch. I dug around in the box France came in and pulled out a disc. I gave it to Haille and said, "That's a copy of "how to keep the French from invading your bed". Use it well"

And with that I went home to get ready for my job tonight. And same goes for Haille if France finds my birthday present to her.

"Oh honhonhonhonhonhon! Vhat iz this, ma cherie?!"

"AAAAAAAAHHH!"

I smiled and said to myself, "by George I think he found it! … glad I'm not Haille right now."

**That chapter one. My god! I've been putting this off forever cause I didn't want to do this… cause I didn't know what I was doing. But I did it in… 1 ½ hours? Geez. But here is the beginning! … so yeah. Like it, favorite it, share it. and tell me what you liked!**


	2. Knife in the Door

Ah what a wonderful life. The trees aren't green, my house is color full, and my neighbors hate me. Nothing better. So if you remember, last week I gave my bestest friend in the whole wide world a France unit! She still hates me. And she made him go out and get a job. I know what you're thinking. Stripper? But I'm sad to say (not really) you're wrong. He's managed to become a marriage counselor. I bet I know what you're thinking, "what the hell dude?" and I can agree with you. I wanted him to either be a stripper or a chef. But Haille decided to make him a marriage counselor which might not have been the smartest move. You see I read the manual. And I read what modes you can reprogram him to. That includes **rape maniac**. And that happens when you deprive France of porn and/or sex. I know for certain Haille won't let him watch porn in her house, have sex in her house, or get sex out of her. and in about a month I'm locking my doors, barricading my windows, and am hiding in a crawl space. Hide your kids! Hide your wife!

Yeah I'm not excited for what's coming. But guess what's going to happen today? Can you guess? No? Well Haille is supposed to get her second unit! 2 down, 8 more to come! And I have no idea who it's going to be. In fact I'm so excited that I've been sleeping on her couch all day waiting for the delivery. And I bet you can't guess what I did when I heard knocking at the door! Wow there is a lot of guessing today. Maybe I should just spit it out? Well I'll justify myself first before I tell you.

I was in a house with _France_. I wasn't going to sleep without some form of protection.

I couldn't let my form of protection be visible or he would take it from me in my sleep, and then rape me when I'm defenseless.

It was a sudden loud noise.

So I threw a knife at the door where the knocking came from. Natural instinct! But any who when I realized there was no France, and it was someone at the door I hopped off the couch, sprinted to the door, and opened the door to see a slightly frightened delivery guy.

"I was taking a nap on the couch with a France in the house. I wasn't going to sleep without protection," I explained. That seemed to be a very reasonable excuse to him as he handed me a clip board asking me to sign it…

"Uhm I'm not the master of the house. Let me go get her real quick. You can go ahead and bring it into the living room," I said as I made a "follow me" motion with my left hand. I ran to the back of the house where the three bedrooms are, and stormed into the master bedroom. I grinned at Haille and said, "oh darling Haille, your second unit is here and waiting to be signed for~!"

Haille looked at me horrified, "a second unit? Why is there a second?!"

I grinned a cheery grin and explained to her, "I ordered you the 10 unit package. And #2 is here right now. So hurry up and go sign! I wanna know who it is!"

Let's just say Haille looks ready to attempt slaughtering me… and for some reason that makes me so freaking chipper! I mean I'm now chipper then a chipmunk! That's fun to say, by the way. Anyway Haille, after glaring at me for 30 seconds, went into the living room with me a few feet behind her. she took the clip board, signed it, and traded it for the manual. She opened the manual and began smiling. I jumped behind her and looked over her shoulder to see the manual say:

**Italy Veniciano**

**(North Italy)**

I looked at Haille and asked, "so does that mean we're eating pasta tonight?"

Haille, now looking chipper then a chipmunk, nodded her head yes and opened the manual to start reading. And you know what? Haille should read the possible future units to be, manuals online at fanfiction. I went into the kitchen and started to get water boiling. While I was boiling water it hit me… Haille has a France AND Italy unit… they're bound to be alone. Which means France could give Italy the talk. Which means Italy will jump into **horny mode… **Haille is so fucked. I went back into the living room and began to push Italy's box into the kitchen, it was rather easy do to the all hard wood floors in the house. Soon enough the water was boiling and Italy began knocking on the box.

"Haille! Come save your unit from the box!" I called to her.

Haille walked into the kitchen with a crow bar and popped the lid off. Italy jumped out of the box and tackled Haille to the ground, repeating how grateful he was for her saving him from the "scary evil box" and how he would make them all pasta. Haille literally got some duct tape and put a piece over his mouth to keep him from talking.

Haille looked at Italy and decided to explain a few things to him, "my name is Haille. You are my unit. If I put a finger over my lips, that means to be quiet. And if you don't want to get hurt, then make sure you be quiet. That is Laura. She is my best friend. She ordered you for me. I have a black cat named Bat Man. Do not bring in any stray cats. You understand all of that?"

Italy nodded his head yes, and I'm pretty sure he was grinning. I looked at Italy and gave him some advice, "if you lick the tape, it's easier to get off."

I'm guessing he drooled up a storm cause the tape just fell off, covered in spit. Italy looked to me and asked, "Why did you order me for Haille?"

Since when did he ask smart questions? "I ordered a total of ten units for her birthday. France is already here, and it'll take a week till we get the next unit."

Italy beamed even brighter (he's as bright as a flash light) and started talking, "Big Brother France is here?! And it was your birthday?! Happy birthday! I know! I'll make pasta to celebrate!"

I handed Italy 2 boxes of angle hair noodles and left the kitchen. I LOVE pasta!


End file.
